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👍 How to be a great team manager in hospitality business and tourism, part 2, how to react when a staff member feels unappreciated (A2)

Verfasst von

wolfgang kugler

in

,
  • get involved, show understanding

Before continuing do part 1 first.

———————————–

Key Words:

>listen,
>>care,
>>>praise,
>>>>apologize,
>>>>>plan,
>>>>>>follow up

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Situation:
A staff member says they feel their hard work is not appreciated and gives examples, e.g., “I stayed late to help guests, but no one said thank you,” or “I cleaned extra rooms, but no one noticed.”

  • Listen Carefully
    • What to do:
      Let them talk.
      Don’t interrupt.
      Show you’re listening.
    • Examples:
      • “I hear you, Tom. Can you tell me more about what happened?”
      • “I’m listening, Lisa. What made you feel this way?”
    • Hints:
      • Look at them and nod.
      • Don’t use your phone or look away.
      • Say, “I understand,” to show you care.
  • Show You Care
    • What to do:
      Thank them for sharing.
      Say their work matters.
    • Examples:
      • “Thank you for telling me, Anna. Your work is important.”
      • “I’m glad you spoke up, Mark. We value you.”
    • Hints:
      • Use their name to make it personal.
      • Be sincere; don’t fake it.
      • Keep your voice calm and kind.
  • Ask for Details
    • What to do:
      Ask about their examples to understand better.
    • Examples:
      • “You said you stayed late. Can you explain more?”
      • “What happened when you cleaned extra rooms?”
    • Hints:
      • Ask simple, open questions, e.g., “What else happened?”
      • Take notes if needed to show it’s serious.
      • Don’t argue or say they’re wrong.
  • Say Sorry if Needed
    • What to do:
      Apologize for how they feel, even if you didn’t cause it.
    • Examples:
      • “I’m sorry you feel unappreciated, Sarah.”
      • “I’m sorry if we didn’t notice your hard work, Ali.”
    • Hints:
      • Don’t blame them, e.g., don’t say, “You should have told me sooner.”
      • Keep it short and honest.
      • Say “we” to show it’s a team effort, e.g., “We’ll do better.”
  • Give Specific Praise
    • What to do:
      Mention something they did well to show you notice.
    • Examples:
      • “I saw you stayed late to help that guest. That was great!”
      • “You cleaned extra rooms, and they looked perfect. Thank you!”
    • Hints:
      • Be specific about their work, not general.
      • Connect it to their example, if possible.
      • Smile to show you mean it.
  • Make a Plan
    • What to do:
      Suggest ways to make them feel valued. Ask for their ideas.
    • Examples:
      • “Let’s have a team meeting to thank everyone’s hard work.”
      • “What can I do to make you feel appreciated?”
    • Hints:
      • Offer solutions, e.g., more praise, better schedules, or rewards.
      • Include them in the plan, e.g., “What do you think would help?”
      • Be realistic about what you can do.
  • Follow Up
    • What to do:
      Check in later to see if they feel better.
    • Examples:
      • “Let’s talk next week to see how you’re feeling, okay?”
      • “I’ll check in after the weekend to make sure things are better.”
    • Hints:
      • Set a specific time, e.g., “Next Monday at 10 AM.”
      • Keep your promise to follow up.
      • Ask, “Do you feel better now?” to show you care.

———————-
Example response to a staff member situation:

John says,
“I stayed late to help guests, but no one said thank you. I feel like my work doesn’t matter.”

Response:
“Thank you for telling me, John. I’m sorry you feel unappreciated. I noticed you stayed late to help those guests, and that was great work! Can you tell me more about what happened? Let’s find a way to make sure you feel valued, like saying thank you more often. What do you think would help? I’ll check in with you next week to see how things are going.”


##############

Dialogue: Team Manager and Front Desk Staff

Setting: The team manager, Emma, is at the front desk after a busy day. A staff member, Sam, approaches her to share his feelings.



Sam: Emma, can I talk to you? I work so hard, but I feel no one sees it. I give my best, but I don’t feel appreciated.

Emma: [Nods, makes eye contact] Oh, Sam, thank you for telling me. [Smiles softly] I’m listening. Can you tell me more? I want to understand how you feel.(Action: Listen carefully; Non-verbal: Nodding, eye contact, soft smile)

Sam: I stayed late yesterday to help a guest with a lost bag. I checked all the rooms and found it, but no one said thank you. And last week, I fixed a booking mistake, but no one noticed.

Emma: [Leans forward, nods] I hear you, Sam. That sounds really hard. [Gentle tone, concerned look] I’m so sorry you feel unappreciated. Your work is very important to us, and I want to make this better.(Action: Show you care, say sorry; Non-verbal: Leaning forward, nodding, concerned look)

Sam: It’s just… I try to be fast and kind to guests, but I feel like it doesn’t matter.

Emma: [Maintains eye contact, nods slowly] I understand. Can you tell me more about what happened yesterday with the guest? I want to know the details.(Action: Ask for details; Non-verbal: Eye contact, slow nodding)

Sam: The guest was upset because their bag was missing. I checked every room and called the cleaning team. It took an hour, but I found it. The guest was happy, but no one said anything to me.

Emma: [Smiles warmly, nods] Wow, Sam, that’s amazing! You did a great job finding that bag and making the guest happy. [Puts hand on heart briefly] I’m so proud of you for staying late to help. Thank you for doing that!(Action: Give specific praise; Non-verbal: Warm smile, nodding, hand on heart)

Sam: Thanks, Emma. But I still feel like my work is not seen most days.

Emma: [Softens expression, nods] I’m really sorry you feel that way, Sam. [Gentle pat on shoulder] Let’s make things better. What can I do to make you feel more valued? Maybe we can say thank you more often or share your good work in our team meetings?(Action: Make a plan; Non-verbal: Soft expression, nodding, gentle pat on shoulder)

Sam: That sounds nice. Maybe if someone says when I do something good, it would help. Like, I also helped a family with a late check-in last week, and it was hard, but no one knew.

Emma: [Smiles, leans in slightly] You’re right, Sam. You did a great job with that late check-in! [Nods enthusiastically] I saw how you stayed calm and made the family happy. Let’s try this: I’ll make sure we notice your hard work more. For example, I can tell the team about your help with the bag and the check-in at our next meeting. [Points to a notebook, smiles] Is that okay?(Action: Give specific praise, make a plan; Non-verbal: Smiling, leaning in, nodding, pointing to notebook)

Sam: Yes, that would be good. I just want to know my work matters.

Emma: [Eye contact, warm smile] It does matter, Sam. You’re a big part of our team. [Nods firmly] To make sure everyone feels valued, I’ll check that we’re fair and thank everyone for their work. I’ll also help you with any hard tasks, like the booking system. [Open hand gesture] Do you need help with anything now?(Action: Be fair, help your team; Non-verbal: Eye contact, warm smile, nodding, open hand gesture)

Sam: Sometimes the booking system is slow, and I get nervous when guests wait.

Emma: [Nods, writes in notebook] Okay, thank you for telling me. Let’s practice using the booking system together tomorrow for 10 minutes before your shift. [Points to schedule, smiles] I’ll show you some tricks to make it faster. Does that sound good?(Action: Help your team, communicate clearly; Non-verbal: Nodding, writing in notebook, pointing to schedule, smiling)

Sam: Yes, that would help a lot. Thank you, Emma.

Emma: [Big smile, eye contact] You’re welcome, Sam! I want our front desk to be a happy place. [Claps hands lightly] Let’s keep work fun and positive. Maybe we can try a new idea, like a “best guest story” at our team meeting to share your great work. [Tilts head, smiles] What do you think?(Action: Create a positive workplace; Non-verbal: Big smile, eye contact, light clap, head tilt)

Sam: I like that idea. It sounds fun.

Emma: [Nods, thumbs up] Great! I’ll check in with you next week to see how you’re feeling. [Points to calendar] Let’s talk on Monday at 10 AM. [Warm smile] If you have more ideas or problems, tell me anytime. You’re doing a fantastic job, Sam!(Action: Follow up, give feedback; Non-verbal: Nodding, thumbs up, pointing to calendar, warm smile)

Sam: Okay, thank you, Emma. I feel better now.Emma: [Smiles, gentle nod] I’m so glad, Sam. Keep up your great work, and let’s make the front desk the best!

#################

Analyzing the dialogue:

Action/Response StepHow It’s Used in the DialogueEffectiveness & Non-Verbal Communication
Listen CarefullyEmma listens when Sam says he feels unappreciated.
She says, “I’m listening. Can you tell me more?” and lets him explain without interrupting.		Effective:
Sam feels heard because Emma listens fully.

Non-Verbal:
Nodding, eye contact, and leaning forward show she cares and pays attention. This makes Sam comfortable to share more.
Show You CareEmma says, “Your work is very important to us,” and “I want to make this better,”
showing she values Sam’s feelings.		Effective:
Sam feels valued because Emma shows care.

Non-Verbal:
A gentle tone, concerned look, and a pat on the shoulder make her words sincere, helping Sam trust her.
Ask for DetailsEmma asks, “Can you tell me more about what happened yesterday with the guest?” to understand Sam’s examples, like helping with a lost bag.Effective:
Asking for details shows Emma takes Sam seriously, encouraging him to explain.

Non-Verbal:
Eye contact and slow nodding make Sam feel safe to share specific examples.
Say SorryEmma says, “I’m so sorry you feel unappreciated,” and “I’m really sorry you feel that way,” to show she regrets Sam’s feelings.Effective:
The apology makes Sam feel understood, not blamed.

Non-Verbal:
A softened expression and nodding reinforce her sincerity, calming Sam’s frustration.
Give Specific PraiseEmma praises Sam’s work, saying, “You did a great job finding that bag,” and “I saw how you stayed calm and made the family happy,” about the lost bag and late check-in.Effective:
Specific praise shows Emma notices Sam’s efforts, boosting his confidence.

Non-Verbal:
Warm smiles, nodding, and a hand-on-heart gesture make the praise feel genuine and personal.
Make a PlanEmma suggests, “I’ll tell the team about your help… at our next meeting,” and asks, “What can I do to make you feel more valued?” to plan solutions.Effective:
The plan gives Sam hope that things will improve. Asking for his ideas makes him feel included.

Non-Verbal:
Pointing to a notebook and smiling show Emma is serious about the plan.
Follow UpEmma says, “I’ll check in with you next week… Let’s talk on Monday at 10 AM,” to ensure Sam feels better later.Effective:
Planning a follow-up shows Emma cares about Sam’s feelings over time.

Non-Verbal:
Pointing to a calendar and a thumbs-up gesture make the promise clear and positive.
Say Thank YouEmma says, “Thank you for doing that!” about Sam’s help with the guest’s bag, showing appreciation for his effort.Effective:
Saying thank you makes Sam feel noticed, addressing his main concern.

Non-Verbal:
A warm smile and nodding make the thanks feel heartfelt, lifting Sam’s mood.
Be FairEmma says, “I’ll check that we’re fair and thank everyone for their work,” to ensure all staff are valued equally.Effective:
Promising fairness builds trust and shows Sam he’s not ignored.

Non-Verbal:
Eye contact and a firm nod show Emma is committed to fairness, reassuring Sam.
Help Your TeamEmma offers, “Let’s practice using the booking system together tomorrow for 10 minutes,” to help Sam with the slow system.Effective:
Offering help shows Emma supports Sam’s growth, reducing his stress.

Non-Verbal:
Writing in a notebook and pointing to a schedule make the offer clear and practical.
Communicate ClearlyEmma says, “Let’s practice… tomorrow for 10 minutes before your shift,” and checks, “Does that sound good?” to ensure Sam understands.Effective:
Clear instructions and checking understanding prevent confusion.

Non-Verbal:
Pointing to a schedule and smiling make the plan easy to follow and friendly.
Solve Problems FastEmma addresses Sam’s feeling of being unappreciated by planning to share his work in meetings and offering training, solving the issue quickly.Effective:
Quick solutions show Sam his concerns matter, improving his mood.

Non-Verbal:
Leaning in and nodding show Emma is focused on fixing the problem fast.
Create a Positive WorkplaceEmma says, “Let’s keep work fun and positive,” and suggests a “best guest story” idea to make work enjoyable.Effective:
The positive tone and fun idea motivate Sam.

Non-Verbal:
A big smile, light clap, and head tilt create a happy, encouraging vibe, making Sam smile.
Give FeedbackEmma says, “You’re doing so well with guests… try to answer phone calls a bit quicker,” giving praise and an improvement tip.Effective:
Balanced feedback helps Sam grow and feel noticed.

Non-Verbal:
A warm smile and open hand gesture make the feedback kind and supportive, not critical.

##################

Dialogue: Team manager and restaurant staff

Setting: The team manager, Emma, is in the restaurant after a busy day. A staff member, Sam, approaches him to share his feelings.


Listen carefully, show you care, ask for details, say sorry if needed, give specific praise, make a plan, and follow up

Dialogue: Team Manager and Staff Member

Setting: The restaurant is quiet after the lunch rush.
The team manager, Emma, notices that Sam, a waiter, looks upset and asks to talk in the office.

Emma (Manager): (Smiles warmly, leans forward, and makes eye contact) Sam, you look sad. Can we talk? I want to listen to you.

Sam (Waiter): (Looks down, shrugs) Okay, Emma. I feel bad. I work so hard, but nobody sees it. I give my best, but I feel not appreciated.

Emma (Listen carefully): (Nods, keeps eye contact, sits closer) I hear you, Sam. Soft voice Thank you for telling me. Can you tell me more? What makes you feel this way?

Sam: (Sighs) Last week, I stayed late to clean tables and help guests. I served extra tables when we were busy, but nobody said thank you. I feel like my work doesn’t matter.

Emma (Show you care): (Puts hand on heart, looks concerned) Sam, I’m so glad you told me. (Smiles gently) Your work is very important to us. You help our restaurant so much, and I don’t want you to feel bad. (Nods to encourage him)

Sam: (Frowns) But nobody notices when I do extra. I try to make guests happy, like when I fixed a wrong order for table 3. I feel ignored.

Emma (Ask for Details): (Tilts head, keeps eye contact) I understand, Sam. Can you tell me about the wrong order? (Leans forward) I want to know what happened.

Sam: (Gestures with hands) A guest got the wrong food, so I ran to the kitchen, got the right dish fast, and apologized. The guest was happy, but nobody said anything to me. It’s always like this.

Emma (Say sorry if needed): (Looks serious, softens voice) I’m really sorry you feel ignored, Sam. (Places hand on table, open posture) We should notice your hard work more. I didn’t know about the order, but that was great work fixing it fast. (Nods slowly)

Sam: (Shrugs) Thanks, but it happens a lot. I work hard, but I don’t feel valued.

Emma (Give specific praise): (Smiles big, points to Sam Sam), you do so much for us! (Excited tone, claps hands lightly) I saw you last week helping a family with a baby. You brought a high chair and made them smile. That was amazing! And fixing that order for table 3? Thumbs up That was perfect. You make guests happy, and I see it.

Sam: (Smiles a little) Really? You noticed that? It feels good to hear, but I want to feel it more.

Emma (Make a plan): (Leans forward, enthusiastic nod) Let’s make things better, Sam. (Gestures to include him) I’ll say thank you more, like in team meetings. We can have a “Star of the Week” to celebrate great work like yours. (Points to wall) Maybe a thank-you board for everyone’s efforts. What do you think would help you feel valued? (Raises eyebrows, inviting response)

Sam: (Nods, looks thoughtful) That sounds nice. Maybe just say thank you more? Or if I stay late, someone notices?

Emma: (Claps hands, smiles) Great idea! (Points to Sam) I’ll make sure we thank you for extra work, like staying late. I’ll tell the team to notice everyone’s efforts. (Gestures to board) We’ll put up a thank-you board for great work like yours. Does that sound okay?

Sam: (Smiles more) Yes, that would help. I just want to know my work matters.

Emma (Follow Up): (Nods firmly, makes eye contact) I promise to do better, Sam. (Points to calendar) Let’s talk again next Monday after your shift. (Soft smile) I’ll check if you feel better. If you have more ideas, tell me anytime, okay? (Open hand gesture)

Sam: (Nods, looks relieved) Okay, Emma. Thank you for listening. I feel better now.

Emma: (Big smile, leans forward) You’re welcome, Sam. (Thumbs up) You’re a great part of our team. Keep up your amazing work, and I’ll make sure we show you how much we value you. (Nods encouragingly)
___________________________

Explanation of Structure and Non-Verbal Communication

  • Listen Carefully:
    Emma nods, maintains eye contact, and sits closer to show she’s fully focused. She uses a soft voice to encourage Sam to share more.
  • Show You Care:
    Emma puts her hand on her heart, looks concerned, and smiles gently to show empathy. Nodding encourages Sam to keep talking.
  • Ask for Details:
    Emma tilts her head and leans forward to show interest in Sam’s specific example, keeping her body language open.
  • Say Sorry if Needed:
    Emma uses a serious expression and open posture (hand on table) to show sincerity when apologizing, reinforcing her care.
  • Give Specific Praise:
    Emma smiles big, claps lightly, and gives a thumbs-up to show enthusiasm for Sam’s efforts, making her praise feel genuine.
  • Make a Plan:
    Emma gestures to include Sam, points to the wall for the thank-you board, and raises her eyebrows to invite his input, showing collaboration.
  • Follow Up:
    Emma points to a calendar and uses a firm nod to show commitment, with a soft smile to keep the tone warm and supportive.
  • Non-Verbal Emphasis:
    Throughout, Emma uses eye contact, smiles, nods, open gestures, and an enthusiastic tone to show she values Sam. These non-verbal cues make her words feel sincere and help Sam feel heard.

################

Analysis of the dialogue:

ActionDescription & PurposeNon-Verbal Communication & Examples
Listen Carefully– Emma listens without interrupting.
– Asks Sam to share more to understand his feelings.
– Purpose: Shows Sam his concerns matter, builds trust.		– Nods to show attention.
– Maintains eye contact to focus on Sam.
– Sits closer to seem approachable.
– Example: Nods, keeps eye contact, sits closer “I hear you, Sam. Can you tell me more?”
Show You Care– Thanks Sam for sharing, says his work is important.
– Purpose: Makes Sam feel valued, shows empathy.		– Puts hand on heart to show sincerity.
– Looks concerned to show she cares.
– Smiles gently to comfort Sam.
– Example: Puts hand on heart, looks concerned “I’m so glad you told me. Your work is very important.”
Ask for Details– Asks about the wrong order example to understand.
– Purpose: Shows interest in Sam’s specific issues, clarifies situation.		– Tilts head to show curiosity.
– Leans forward to seem engaged.
– Keeps eye contact to encourage sharing.
– Example: Tilts head, leans forward “Can you tell me about the wrong order?”
Say Sorry if Needed– Apologizes for Sam feeling ignored.
– Takes responsibility for oversight.
– Purpose: Shows accountability, makes Sam feel heard.		– Uses serious expression to show sincerity.
– Places hand on table for open posture.
– Nods slowly to emphasize apology.
– Example: Looks serious, places hand on table “I’m really sorry you feel ignored, Sam.”
Give Specific Praise– Praises Sam for helping a family and fixing an order.
– Mentions specific actions to show she notices.
– Purpose: Boosts Sam’s confidence, shows his work is seen.		– Smiles big to show enthusiasm.
– Claps hands lightly for excitement.
– Gives thumbs-up to reinforce praise.
– Example: Smiles big, claps hands lightly “I saw you helping a family with a baby. That was amazing!”
Make a Plan– Suggests more thanks, a “Star of the Week,” and a thank-you board.
– Asks Sam for ideas to include him.
– Purpose: Creates solutions to make Sam feel valued, encourages teamwork.		– Gestures to include Sam in planning.
– Points to wall for thank-you board idea.
– Raises eyebrows to invite Sam’s input.
– Example: Points to wall, raises eyebrows “We can have a thank-you board. What do you think?”
Follow Up– Sets a specific time (next Monday) to check in.
– Invites ongoing feedback.
– Purpose: Shows long-term care, ensures Sam feels supported.		– Points to calendar for clear commitment.
– Nods firmly to show promise.
– Soft smile to keep tone warm.
– Example: Points to calendar, nods firmly “Let’s talk again next Monday after your shift.”

___________________________

Final thoughts, a happy memeber of the staff:

I feel so much better after talking to Emma. Before, I was sad and tired.
I work really hard at the restaurant—staying late, helping guests, fixing wrong orders—but nobody noticed.
I thought, “My work doesn’t matter. I’m invisible here.”
Emma’s talk changes that.
She listens with kind eyes, nods, and sits close, so I feel heard.
Her sorry shows she cares, and that makes me happy.
When she praises me for helping the family with the baby, I smile big. I think, “She saw me! I’m not invisible!”
Her plan for more thanks, like a “Star of the Week” and a board, sounds great.
I hope she checks in next Monday like she said.
If she does, I’ll feel valued and want to work even harder for the team.
I’m starting to feel important again.

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